Since the 1980s, work has been done with children on death.

Indeed, at that time one of the school's parents died by accident and the teachers saw that the school had to do something. They were clear that they wouldn't look the other way, but they didn't know what to do, because fear dominated. How do you do this? What do we have to say? The taboo question is that of death, and even more so at that time. The teachers started collecting documentation, talking to the experts, getting some stories about it -- and they decided to welcome, help and support this family in the community. A physical place was set up to commemorate this father and the children were given the opportunity to talk about death.

A protocol was also developed which, over time, has been completed when more deaths have occurred. It is very important to respect the will of the family, to work with it. And of course, keep in mind that we're talking about children.

How to tell the kids...

The teachers of that time said they had concerns. We refer to children from 2 to 6 years old. “How will you live this at home?” The parents of the children also doubted: “And now, what do we have to say to the children?” “Have you told them what and how?”… At first there was fear, but then the parents saw that it was beneficial to talk to the children about it.

You have been in school for a dozen years. How did you know the work on death?

I was then in the two-year-old classroom [Nahikari Barrio speaks]. There could be bugs in the room, snails and I don't know what else animalitos. These animals died, and the kids in other rooms came to see them. I was with the coordinator, with the key figure that was with us, and we asked the kids, "What's happened to the earthworm?" And you said, "He's asleep," "he's dead." We started talking about it. He blows a bug and doesn't wake up. “So what will have happened to him?” To the two-year class, Olentzero brings fish. We take care of them, we observe them, we feed them and we baptize them. And we invited children from other classrooms to see the fish, "Look at what the Olentzero has brought us!" But fish get sick and die. There's death. And we started talking about the topic. “What do you think happened to the fish?”

At first it wouldn't be easy to know how to talk to children.

No, but we had María Eugenia, who led us. He said it was a good opportunity to talk about death and see what the children were telling about it. When a child dies, the whole school learns, it is an accompaniment, like the birth itself.

When death touches a child, not only those in his room, but also others talk about it.

Yes. For example, when a grandmother has died from a child in another room. We started asking questions: “Does anyone know Jon?” “His grandmother has died, how do you think she’s going to feel?”. “Yes, it’s my cousin.” “And how do you think she is?” It is very important to put words into your experiences.

A child can tell him that his mom tells him that the dead man has gone to heaven. Well, well, he went to heaven. We will not tell you whether it is true or not. We listen to him and respect what he has received. “I look at the sky but I don’t see anyone,” a child will say. “Maybe we have to look better,” we do. We respect domestic beliefs. When they say “the fish is sleeping” we tell them that maybe we should wake it up and start touching it... “Don’t wake up.” So what's happened to him? Because they can tie sleep with death. “If I sleep, will I die? Forever?” In the end, what's the difference? That death is irreversible, it is forever, the body disappears.

Of course, a person who is an animal or we love him is different. The protocol is set in motion when a person dies from the house, in the day-to-day work is done differently, with the mamorro a child has brought to the room, with the fish, with the bird they have found dead or with the plant that has dried. Sometimes we throw away the news we've seen on television, because war, death... are very present.

When a person we love dies, a student in our community, a teacher, a parent -- the emotional impact is great. Also for us. We know that very strong emotions will emerge. There will be tears, grief, pain, indignation, rage... All these emotions are in the red alive, but you have to take them out.

You can't look the other way.

What is the meaning of death? It's a loss. They have been lost since they were born. The first loss is powerful when they come to school for the first time, when they have to bond with the school from attachment to parents. And, once in school, more losses come: another child has given him a slap, they have taken the toy off... We have many losses throughout life and death, like so many others, it's something we have to work on, we can't turn our back on it. What does this loss have? It's very big, it hurts a lot, it takes out a lot of emotions and it doesn't turn back.

And why does it cost to talk about it?

Because we're not able to talk about death. It is true that sometimes it is not easy. It depends on the situation in which you are... Sometimes you don't see yourself able to move forward, and in those cases it's key to have someone else next to you, to feel that the teacher isn't alone, when you can't support the neighbors.

Ten years ago, the father of a three-year-old boy passed away. Death touched us a lot, I overflowed [speaks Neighborhood], but I didn't want to overflow in front of the children, I didn't want to run out of words, I had a ball in my stomach... I had at my side a coordinator who helped me move forward. I had to follow my path, by the child and by the father, who were part of the community. The process forced me to look inside me and, so to speak, to make way.

What greeting did you dedicate to that father?

It was very powerful. It was the month of August. The management initiated the mechanism, met with the family and alerted the teachers of the situation. All of us nearby went to the farewell that had been offered to him in the village. And we saw that in September, we had to make room for it, all those feelings, the emotions ... At the beginning of the course, we would start it again.

The month of September came. According to the mother, in the room we offered a space to the child's father. We put his picture on, and when he got to the room, the boy brought the objects that he remembered to his father. He did not start the course with the other children, but a little later, and we took that time to talk to the students about this father's death. The theme came out in all the rooms, very careful; there were very sad moments, a lot of crying...

When such a death occurs, it is not the right time to work; the important are feelings, emotions, mutual care, help to the family, being next to the students. The work will be done later. So big was that death...

After a while the child returned to school.

He came with his mother and they put all those objects next to his father's photograph. And every day we did a kind of ritual when we came into contact with candles. And the kids in the class and the other class brought the drawings or bracelets to put them in that corner. A very special communication was created between children, full of the humanities. We kept all those things in a drawer, and after a while the family came to pick them up. We gave them everything except a few little things chosen by the kids, which we had the entire course in class.

More people who were part of the community have died at this time. People have told us, “Jo, how many deaths.” But no, if you are open and look around you, you will realize that death is very present and you have to give it its place. It's not something that can only happen to oneself, and it's important for boys and girls to see that also those around them have experienced something similar at some point. Stories are a good tool to address the issue, both at home and at school: “Look, Aitor has had the same thing!” a boy told us, with a smile on his face, following a story we did at school.

Children of child education speak naturally, adults have more difficulties. As age progresses, fear acquires another meaning, consciousness changes, emotions go another way... but it is true that students are used to talking about death. They've gotten used to it since they were young, it's natural for them.

So there was a basis for talking about the cemetery.

Indeed, but it was not something forced, we were clear that the theme of the cemetery was not going to bring it to light; if the children referred to it, we would still talk about it, but otherwise we would not be talking about it, even if the proposal had come. And it came out. The little boy we had in the class of the two years passed away and we invited other boys and girls from the school to greet him, to bury him in the corner we have in the school, once in our tanatory (school freezer) they gave us a little hole – it can pass the time, from the animal has died until we buried him. The time to bury the fish is usually very solemn, some children start to sing, music is put, some bring flowers, other drawings, we eat cookies... It's time for special connection.

When the fish was buried, the theme of the cemetery came out, which allowed us to address the process of reflection initiated in Antzuola. [The report gathers the children's tour to the cemetery]

You mentioned the scruple we have of adults to talk about death, and that stories are a good tool to overcome some barriers. On the shelf you have a lot of stories.

A grandmother once came saying that a child's dog had died, but she did not dare to tell her grandson that the dog was dead, although we knew that the child knew it very well. We talked to the grandmother, and we gave her a story to take her home. He told his grandson that the dog had died and that the dog and the other were aware of what had happened to the dog. But that woman, so frightened, lived with great powerlessness. Once the story was told to her granddaughter, we invited her to school and brought the ashes of the puppy. It was very nice. All the children looking at the ashes, singing, holding hands ... This grandmother had been resting!

It really matters to them to do the work in the community.

Yes. As a school, we cannot look away from death. It's part of life. At first we can be afraid, “What do I have to do? What do I have to say? Touching this issue I don’t know what a ghost I will turn on...”, and some father can come to us, “what are you counting the child?”, but time shows you that it is good to speak, that it is necessary. Otherwise, we would not be doing things right. Because if the most important thing for us is the well-being of the child, the well-being of the child, the well-being of the child, when someone close to him dies, you cannot turn and act as if nothing had happened, you have to keep it. If the mother of a school child has died, how can you behave like nothing happened? Will you continue to teach class normally? Perhaps it is your intention to “protect” that child, as they are “too small” not to confuse things. But a death is a very powerful thing and the community must intervene.